So, okay, I didn’t see Michelle Wolf at the White House correspondents’ dinner. Hard to get an invite to those things. Even Trump couldn’t get in. Or was that an accident?
Anyway, apparently Wolf did the best political stand-up that’s been heard for a long, long time. Fortunately, even I wasn’t there, you can find her best zingers all over the web. For example:
“And I’m never really sure what to call Sarah Huckabee Sanders, you know? Is it Sarah Sanders, is it Sarah Huckabee Sanders, is it Cousin Huckabee, is it Auntie Huckabee Sanders? What’s Uncle Tom but for white women who disappoint other white women? Oh, I know. Aunt Coulter.”
“It’s 2018 and I’m a woman, so you cannot shut me up. Unless you have Michael Cohen wire me $130,000.”
“I know there’s a lot of people that want me to talk about Russia and Putin and collusion, but I’m not gonna do that, because there’s also a lot of liberal media here, and I’ve never really wanted to know what any of you look like when you orgasm.”
“Of course, Trump isn’t here, if you haven’t noticed. He’s not here. And I know, I know, I would drag him here myself, but it turns out the president of the United States is the one pussy you’re not allowed to grab.”
And last, just to make sure the Democrats didn’t feel left out
“Democrats are harder to make fun of because you guys don’t do anything. People think you might flip the House and Senate this November, but you guys always find a way to mess it up. You’re somehow going to lose by 12 points to a guy named Jeff Pedophile Nazi Doctor.”
The scary thing? She’s probably right about it all…even the Democrats messing up in November.