MAGA: 3/5ths Compromise - Liberal Resistance

MAGA: 3/5ths Compromise

Senate Republicans are absolutely dumbfounded at the radical Democratic idea floating around that all people in this country should be allowed to vote, without voter suppression, or even without extensive gerrymandering.  

This led to lots of discussion going on behind closed doors on Capitol Hill.  Topics ranged from how if we let more black people vote they might elect another black president, to concerns about how black people might show up to polls and peacefully fraternize among each other, scaring away the already frightened albino vote.  Some even confessed their deepest darkest fears that if too many Mexicans (originally from all those Mexican countries) showed up in one place at one time they might attract a taco truck, too. Even worse, someone might bring a pinata and people might enjoy themselves too much. There was some talk of allowing self described “white nationalists” a 7/5 vote to help keep things “fair and balanced” like Fox News.  

Keeping with this country’s past traditions and the president’s vision of Making America Great Again, Senate Republicans are exploring the idea of bringing back a 3/5 voter compromise.  Mitch McConnell insisted, “If we must allow everyone to vote, than there needs to be a compromise.  We’re still running the numbers but we think black votes should count 3/5 and any Mexican votes should also count 3/5.  We feel this is a necessary compromise so that small population red states can continue to win Presidential elections”.  

Many Republicans were appalled when someone suggested that Democrats would view their “compromise” as racist.  They then all concluded it wasn’t racist because they were all white and said so.  They decided that if anyone disagreed with them that they would all be willing to take a photo with a token black male as long as it was ‘quick’. They even came up with a 14 word slogan to help sell their idea to their base, “We must secure the existence of our people and a future for white children.” 

 

The topic soon turned to what they should call people like themselves that supported MAGA.  Someone said they heard someone scream something about ‘You MAGA-ettes’ at a recent Trump Rally and that ‘Donald J. Trump & the MAGA-ettes’ seemed like something they could easily identify with.